Pride

When I was very young, I was extremely proud to be an American citizen. Why shouldn't I be? I was told so many great things about this country. Here, everyone is equal. Here, anyone could be President, even a kid with little money and broken home like me. Here, you can say whatever you think and not get in punished. Here, justice is served fairly and equally.

But then I started to grow up. I began to really look at the world around me. I realized that I had been lied to. I was not living in the America I thought I had been. In this america, you could only be President if you were an older, white male with more money and more effective negative ads than the other guy. In this america, equality is just something we say to make ourselves feel better. Only the privileged get good doctors, educations, homes, neighborhoods, and treatment. Everyone else is on their own. In this america, you can only say what the "silent majority" deems acceptable. In this america, justice is something only the top citizens get to have. The America I had once believed in was just a bedtime story.

And so I decided to just give up. If this is how things are going to be, why should I give a shit? In all honesty, I gave up on quite a few things around that time. Then, I grew up some more. This time around, it was a bittersweet affair. I came to realize that things were even worse than I had thought. Under the Bush administration, our basic constitutional rights were being taken from under our noses. Checks and balances were disregarded. The very fabric of our democracy was being unraveled. But with this new attack on the ideals of my youth, I became angry. I realized that my values and ideals were still as strong in me as ever, I had just been lost. Yet, even as my anger grew, I knew that there was nothing I could do on my own to make this country as perfect as possible. The discipline of democracy requires a high level of interaction.

Which brings me to the current state of things. I finally feel as though I'm on the same page as the majority of America. We want things to change, the status quo is no longer satisfactory. We are willing to work for it, and even to fight for it if necessary. With the election of Barack Obama, we've shown that any little kid can be President. Even one whose family was on welfare and had to take out student loans to pay for school. I feel like I can once again be proud of my flag, say it's pledge with honesty, and sing the anthem with passion.

But if there was ever a need for a reminder that the work is not done, that the mission is not over, one presented itself within the same election. In California, rights were taken away from a group of citizens. Proposition 8 was passed, making illegal for gays and lesbians to marry the person they love. It seems as though this country is not as equal as we would like to believe. What's more, someone I consider to be a friend was punished for protesting his rights being taken away. By all accounts, he was doing nothing wrong when the police violently shoved him into a wall, man-handled him and his friend, arrested them for 'unruly behavior' (a charge that magically turned itself into battery of a police officer) and had bail set at $20,000. All of this is completely outrageous.

Even though our country made great strides Tuesday night, we must never forget that equality and democracy are disciplines. They require constant effort and practice. They are perfections that, while they might not ever be achieved, must be strived for with the utmost passion. They require strength and faith. We cannot just sit idly by while the world happens around us. This is the task of the true patriot.

For you my friend

So in my Abnormal Psychology class we started talking about eating and somatic disorders. Today we watched a movie on a lady we had bulemia nervosa. And I've heard all sorts of stats on this issue and all sorts of various tidbits. There was this one thing that really struck me. This lady was talking about how she didn't like talking about her eating issues and the interviewer asked her how that made her feel. And she started talking about how at first she was really excited, because the thought of being video taped made her think she'd be famous. And the she said she started to feel nervous because she worried that when she got there, the video crew wouldn't like her because she just had bulemia and wasn't thin enough to be a anorexic yet. That just blew my mind. That our culture could mess with someone's self image that bad that they would say something like that.

What the deuce?!?!

So today is March 31st, yes? Then can anyone possibly explain to me why it snowed today??? Seriously! It's Spring!!! It should not be snowing anymore!!! God. This winter has been the cruelest slice of hell imaginable. Buried under feet of snow for a good month or snow, cold, shitty, wet, and now it continues to snow even though it's spring. What the hell, Al Gore??? What happened to global warming?

Although I did hear some good news today. Apparently Bush got booed during his season opener pitch the other day. Which makes me all warm and fuzzy inside.

So I found this nice little Robert Smith quote today that describes what I'm feeling quite nicely.
"Like I can't cry for myself so I will let this song take all of the things inside I can't let anyone else see and offer it up, as if the sound were some kind of god, and my pain is some kind of sacrifice."

The Faint of Heart

I am the tin man
That you find on your screen
Lost in this world
Can I wake up from this dream?

The thing I want the most
Oh, if only I had a heart
I can't tell if I lost it on the way
Or if I never had it from the start

I stay here, lost and so alone
My joints, planted still with rust
Maybe if I hide just long enough
I'll simply turn to dust

No one wants the heartless
What shall become of me?
You should keep your distance
Leave me lost and lonely

So I've come to realize that I have a really annoying habit of just shutting myself away when I get depressed about something. But of course, all that alone time just tends to make me even more depressed. It's very uncool vicious cycle. At least I have some good new music to keep me company....

Oh the little things...

So I saw this cool licence plate on the way to the PUB today. It made me double take. And then I smiled. Yea for Depeche Mode fans!